It’s late on a Friday afternoon and I have the weekend on my mind. As usual my stomach is making most of the decisions round here and I wonder what treats I might ingest this weekend. Why does it instill such indecision and then sudden outrage? The Brunch Menu.

Culinary capital of the world my arse. Why is it the same tired egg dishes, french toast and pancakes in every restaurant in NY on the weekends? I know you’re capable of good even great food. Your weekday lunch menus so tempting, alas I can’t get out for long lunches (or even in the vicinity) during the week. So why do you short change me with the same dull brunch menu as every other proprietor on the weekend? What about a compromise. You can serve brunch on Saturday or Sunday, just not both.

btw. eggs are not just for weekend brunches (even under a steak). The French and ovolacto-vegetarians travelling through the EU know the joy of a beautifully cooked fluffy omelette at dinner as well… mon Dieu!

Oh then the drink options. Mimosas or a Bloody Mary aka overpriced cheap sparkling wine over watery orange juice or heavily spiced tomato juice over cheap vodka (or some other spirit). Aren’t we in the middle of a cocktail revolution? Sure an espresso martini sounds great in principal but is a bit much at midday. Something to help ease you into a lazy day can’t be difficult to shake, stir or muddle up.

Dear friends,  I’m not deliberately being antisocial. I just can’t bear the idea of facing a plate of eggs benedict or a whimsical riff on it, it’s still poached eggs and a fucking hollandaise sauce. So yeah, I’d just prefer to meet you over lunch.